So it turns out people in Azerbaijan are bathing in crude oil.
Joseph Sywenkyj for The New York Times
You heard me. Members of Azerbaijani high society may now enjoy living in the lubricated lap of luxury by immersing themselves in a warm steamy bath of crude oil. Participants cite "[crude oil] relieves joint pain, cures psoriasis, calms nerves and beautifies skin." [1] Let's back up for a minute and consider some of the stupid trends in human history like this one or this one. Oh, you can't forget these.
To humanity's credit, the crude oil used in the bath houses contains about 50% naphthalene, the same indredient used primarily in moth balls. With antiinflamitory properties, naphthalene is also used in coal soaps to treat psoriasis and skin infections. Oh! and it's known in western medical circles as a possible carcinogen.
"Horse-hockey!", says Dr. Gyultikin Suleymanova, who claims the crude is safe because its light on natural gas and baths only last 10 minutes. No big deal, eh!
This viscous and viral mid-eastern trend deserves a darwin award. Your bath master Arzu lets you keep that cigarette lit while you take a dip in crude that is too heavy [and too safe] for commercial purposes. It takes about a barrel of the recycled crude to fill a slimy unscoured brownish-green ringed tub to capacity. You can sit and blow fart bubbles for 10 minutes and revel in the lavishness of an oil slick induced euphoria.
After your bath in bubbly crude, Arzu performs the complementary one-hour wipe down with paper towels and a few warm showers. Dressed in a green oil stained frock, he changes the lube for the next customer while you shield your eyes from your skin, radiant and pure.
Several questions: Do they have "themed" oil bath houses? Where do I sign up? And who's coming with me?
